In this blog post I wanted to do something a little different. In the past as a visually impaired woman with some usable sight, all I talked about and focused on is the things I could see. I guess I took it all for granted at the time. I always remember catching my eye on something beautiful and saying to myself “Store this in your memory because you never know” and little did I know what the universe had in store for me. Now as a blind woman all I started to focus on is what I can’t see. Sometimes the thoughts are deafening. My life has seemed too have become consumed with blindness and everything that goes with it. I decided that I didn’t want my life to be just this.
With doing a lot of self exploration and going inwards, I keep coming across those memories that I stored. At first these memories were difficult to hold but they are getting easier. What kind of memories am I talking about, well I will share a few with you.
The cloud game – This was a game I regularly played with my son from being about 3 years old. On our trips to Cornwall and in fact any car journey also visits to the park. We looked at the sky and took it in turns to see what shape we could in the clouds. We came up with some right corkers, whales, turtles, sharks , houses, mushrooms, bananas and a favourite of Dylans dinosaurs. This used to keep us entertained for hours and I loved to stare at his beautiful face while he scanned the skies, such wonder he held in his eyes.
Magic of colour – As a creative I believe I saw wonder in almost everything and I was a sucker for colour and noticed it everywhere. I remember at times getting out of the car and noticing the sunset, the colours bled into each other. Rich reds, burnt oranges, rusty yellow, purples and deep blues all flowing into each other from the setting sun to the night sky. I would always say to Steve look at that how amazing, just take a minute. He would roll his eyes playfully, but acknowledged the beauty. I loved spotting flowers and their colours. Nothing could bring depth and life to a plant like their colours. There was always more than one colour to admire too. If it was the leaves and stem or the intricate way they moved into each other on a petal usually coming from the centre. This I thought gave the plant movement even on the stillest of days. My hair was a testament to how I loved colour. Anyone who has known me a while can vouch for my changes of colour. I have been everything from blue to purple to pink. My favourite is red! I loved the feeling of looking in the mirror at the end and seeing a new brighter me, again another memory stored so now when I get it coloured I know what I look like with that particular colour.
I put the question out to the V I world and the response was fabulous! I understand that it may be difficult for some to think about what it was like to see and the things they used to see, I respect that that could bring them down or delay their recovery. I wouldn’t ask anyone to share if they were not comfortable with it. The people who did I am very grateful too as it shown me that I am not alone in enjoying those memories. Some of the things that were shared with me are;
Marcus Jawando “flying around the skate park on my skates.” This I imagine was so much fun, who knows Marcus one day you may get back on those skates. I would also like to just say Marcus is a very talented musician who happens to be blind. You can find his twitter tag @Furydubz
Chloe Adduocchio “The beauty of colour and shape. The beauty of when the person you love is looking at you and all you can see is them glowing in front of you interpreting the shapes of clouds on a summers day when you lie on the grass” Such a wonderful and heart warming memory thank you.
Stacey Scott “So very many to choose from, the highlands of Scotland, sunrise on Doha, blankets of snow, fireworks, the moon, blue skies reflected in equally blue oceans” There are so many and thank you for sharing some of your amazing memories.
Rosie B A A “The sea, watching the waves rolling in and seeing the sun sparkle on the crest of the wave, just as it starts to break and foam smiles faces transformed by a smile.” These are amazing memories Rosie and she said how great it was to take a moment and visualise and contemplate. I am happy you shared them with us.
Memories are our past, it is what shapes us and where we grow from. This includes the good and the bad, we learn from both of these. Sometimes it is difficult to think of them and sometimes it is good. I have learnt that all is welcome and even when the good memories are hard at times to remember, they are the ones that bring us joy and give us strength. Remembering the things from my sighted days has been a hard process and is far from finished but I have found that it has defiantly helped me.
If you are feeling ready and brave why not give it a go. With sight or without sight close your eyes and let yourself take yourself back to the most beautiful thing you remember seeing, visualise it! See what it gives you in return. This may bring up emotions you may not have felt for a while or are used to. Accept all into your heart and be gentle with yourself. You may surprise yourself and see something you thought you forgot about. Have a little fun with it.
All of these thoughts are my own and I do understand that some may find this hard and I appreciate that. Only do what you feel comfortable with.
Enjoy your week ahead, stay safe