What is grief?

Hi everyone,

Today’s blog post is a little of a hard one for me to write but I thought it was a subject that needed to be shared. Grief is a part of life and it has happened to everyone, even if you think it hasn’t. Everyone has lost a pet whether it be that goldfish from the fun fair or your life long companion and furry best friend. It could also be the break up you went through, the job you lost or the medical condition that took something from you. Grief comes in many forms.

I want to share with you some of my experiences of grief, in the hope it will help others. If this read is not for you and it may be too hard, please skip. You will be ready to read when it is right for you.

My first experience of grief was as a small child when my gold fish died. My mum wasn’t ready for a pet and the goldfish I won at the fun fair was the closest we were getting to one. I thought he would live forever, sounds silly. That was my introduction to grief and from there it continued. I lost my auntie at around 15, then my stepdad, then my best friend and my Mum’s best friend in the same year. My early twenties were a difficult time for grief. I have since lost more family members and been there to see my friends lose their loved ones. 

The one thing I have took from all of these experiences and passing’s is that life is so precious. We really do only have one life and we should take every moment as a blessing and live it!

Through my grief I rollerball’d through my twenties making questionable decisions, because let’s face it that is what grief can do to people. That is not a bad thing, it does at some point come to a head and we have to face that grief.

For me it was grieving my sight that made me face all the other losses I had experienced and just put away into a box hoping I would never have to feel the pain or deal with the lows. I think sometimes it was that I put so many of these into boxes there was no more room and they all started to burst.  I believe the universe has a path for me and I had to deal with the boxes to move onto this path. Losing my sight allowed me to do this.

I am not suggesting you have to have a trauma in order to face your boxes, for me this is how it happened. I believe during any one period of our lives we can only carry so many losses without healing them.  If it builds up too much then the body and the universe knows and helps you to realise and deal With what is there, making room for the future.  Grief is a part of life and it will happen.

Dealing with my sight loss was a form of grief. I grieved my sight and my past, I used to look back when I couldn’t do things such as making a cup of tea. I would look back and think I COULD DO THIS A MONTH AGO, why can’t I now, I mourned my past.  I went through the five stages of grief with my sight loss as much as I did with the people I lost. Well, if I am honest, I experienced the stages more with the sight loss but then was able to process these for the other losses in my life. 

Processing a lot of things and doing inner work through counselling, different therapies such as massage and healing retreats where we performed rituals to help let go. I was able to heal a great deal of pain. This is still and I think will always be an ongoing thing and I think realising this also allows progression.

For those who can and are able to do the work, if that is that it is the right time for you financially, emotional and physically then I would recommend doing it. If it is not right yet for you, please don’t worry, it will Be right when it is. I can’t tell you how much doing inner work has helped me to move forward, to heal and to have hope for the future. It has also helped build my resilience even more.

Having good mental health is so important to good physical health too. Since training as a manual therapist, the symmetry between the mind and body and if one is out of line how it effects the other has become so apparent. I have even noticed this in myself and do more so now. If I am getting stressed, upset or anxious I am more aware of how much I feel it in my body. In my twenties I thought this was a load of nonsense. I don’t know if it is age or the journey, I have been on but I definitely don’t think that now and now I want to help others. I am not sure yet how I can do this but I think the path I am on is a good start.

I hope this has helped in some way and I hope it was not too difficult to read. If it was and you are struggling, please do reach out and if I can help I will and if not, I can direct you to people that can. I would not have got through a lot of my grief without family and friends. If there is one piece of advice I could give is, is to have a network around you because inner work is important but you need the strength to do this and this can come from a good network.

Sending all my love to anyone who has experienced grief of any kind. You are strong and you will come out the other side.

Love always 

Nina  xx