Round up 2020

Hi lovelies,

Well, it has come to that time of year. Where we stop take a minute and look back at the year, the ups and downs, the achievements and the failures. I think it is a powerful thing to take 10-20 minutes and sit with the following thoughts, whether writing in a journal, creating a voice journal or just seeing it in your mind. I have done the same and want to share with you my outcomes. 

The questions I have looked at are:

• What have I achieved this year and how did it make me feel?
• What have I failed at this year and how did it make me feel?
• Have I achieved any of the goals I set for 2020, if so which ones and if not why not?
• What is the most valuable insight I have learnt from 2020 and how can I carry it forward?
• What are my 2021 goals?

My 2020 insights

What have I achieved this year and how did it make me feel?

So, when I start to think of this I get a little uncomfortable because the thought of me looking at my successes is a difficult thing to do. I am getting slowly better at self-belief but I still find it difficult. So, I sat with it for a while in my cosy treatment room with my wood crackling candle and some warming smells and it started to open up. 

I have achieved quite a lot this year considering the circumstances we all find ourselves in. I have qualified as a holistic therapist, qualified as a facilitator for Sister Stories which is a women’s circle space, I have completed a book proposal course where I have started the flame to burn for my book idea, I have completed some CBT therapy which has helped me process memories that were stuck and I have set up my holistic therapy practice and I have in place access to work support. Whilst doing all this I have managed to have my son at home (which is intense when you are used to them being in school) and continue my own rehab white Caine training. We made a difficult but important decision to put a pin in the guide dog application which I feel 100% confident in. Writing all of this down really brings true to what I have managed to do and I feel quite overwhelmed at my ability. I think it is important to do this and to see your achievements and toot your own horn. I feel proud but I still feel a little part of me is like come on Nina you can do more. Then I tell my brain, come on be nice! It is important to be kind to ourselves.

What have I failed at this year and how did it make me feel?

This one comes a lot easier to me. I don’t know if it is just me or others to but I find that looking at the things I fail at are easier to call out. I failed at getting a guide dog, I failed at home schooling due to accessibility issues, I failed at learning or should I say memorising anatomy and physiology or being at the same level as other therapists. I mean I passed but I feel I can do more. I fail at avoiding doors, I fail at having control of my creativity. I failed at wearing a mask! Yes, don’t lynch me, I am exempt from wearing a mask due to my disability. I find it too overwhelming and causes high anxiety, it feels like I have lost another sense. That has not stopped others from commenting and judging and I guess another failure of mine is that I judge them back. It is not their fault if there is no awareness there! 

These are just some of what I think my failures are and yes, I feel frustrated and sad but as I write them out, I also feel a little silly too. Some of the things I feel I fail at the most are to do with my lack of sight and there is nothing I can do about this. I know this and yet I get frustrated, I think this is normal and again I come back to my point on being kind to ourselves. Yes, I walk into more doors but every time I do I remember not to rush next time or I try harder to remember where the door is. I have definitely learned through my failures to slow down and listen to myself more, to trust more in me. 

Have I achieved any of the goals I set for 2020 if so what and if not why not?

I have achieved the one main goal, that is becoming a holistic therapist. I have not only achieved this, I have managed to set up my practice, convert my craft room into a treatment room and secure assistant support. I have not yet achieved my blog goals; I want to reach more subscribers. I have had a few surprise goals that I did not set or think I would have achieved. Walking independently, while training. Completing other online courses, and learning new skills. So, all in all I have had a mixed bag of achieving goals. I am quite content with what I have done.

What insights have I learned and how will I carry them forward?

I have learnt that things in life are not certain. If it is a worldwide pandemic that changes your plans or an accident that changes your life, we never really know what is around the corner. With knowing this I have learned to live in the present, and so be grateful to feel and accept whatever the challenge or event that is going on right now. Yes, I have things I look forward to and plan for the future but I don’t hold these too much. I also know I have been through struggles in the past but I have learned from these and let them go. I have also learned that gratitude, self care and trust in yourself is a very important thing and this is the main thing I intend to bring forward with me and work on in 2021. 

What are your goals for 2021?

I want to have a regular client base by the end of 2021 for my holistic practice. I am planning a sponsored walk to raise money for research into Charles Bonnie Syndrome. I am aiming for the end of August for this so I will be putting a training and diet plan in place in January. I want to reach 1000 followers on twitter by mid-year and have a solid following on Five senses therapy. I want to complete my rehab training and get out and walk at least 4 times a week alone using my cain. I want to attend more networking events and create a network for my women’s circle. 

More then anything I want to work on my spiritual practice and learn to accept myself and to share love with others. 

Thank you for allowing me to share with you my round up and I hope that it has given you some ideas for your contemplation. All the thoughts here are my own and I hope the questions will help you if you wish to have a go. 

Sending lots of love and positive wishes to you all for 2021. It is going to be a better year I can feel it! 

Nina xx